i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
