you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
