i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
