okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
