If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
