i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
