I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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