people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
