I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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