I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
