Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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