Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize