all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
