how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
