I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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