When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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