That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
