my vag is so smooth its legendary
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
