i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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