I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
