Soap is not a condiment
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Duck Duck Cougar?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
