I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
