I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
