Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
