did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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