Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You are the jesus of drinking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
