i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
