My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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