Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize