What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
