they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
