I wannas sexs uuuuu
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
