If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
