Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
