This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
