i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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