i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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