Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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