My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
