best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
