At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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