grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
