also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
