We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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