Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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