Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
