Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
