I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize