so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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