my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
