he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
