I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
