Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
