My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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