rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
