You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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