I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
