I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
