In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
