Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
