you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
