My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
