he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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