Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
