If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
